Lately its been the bill cosby comedy show of parenting at our house. I heard the what? Say what? That so 80's show has been over for at least 15 years girl. I know. It had a wonderful impact in my life. So, when life gets crazy I refer to it as the "Bill Cosby Moments".
So, last weekend my oldest and I went arm in arm skipping through the house singing we are off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz. La la la la...follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick..do da do da..see now your humming it too.
Then you remember his stand up comic routine from Bill Cosby himself about his parenting moments. OH Yeah..my friend Daniel from back in the day it memorized hook line and sinker. I still get cracked up over that fact. We'd be playing in the back yard and wham it yank a line out from the show..sigh that was the day.
Here it goes:
Honey, its time to get out of the pool to get cleaned up.
I don't wanna.
If we don't get out of the pool to get cleaned up, before we get your sister at the end of the swim team we can't go threw a drive thru for a late dinner/snack.
Okay, but one more dive with sticks pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ?
Okay, one more dive.
5 minutes later we are headed to the showers to get the chemicals out of our hair.
20 minutes we are dressed and waiting for swiming to get done..Its late as usual along with the coaches yesterday evening. We won't go there about the coaches, okay.
Listen, my darling wonderful soon to be a second grade child. DO NOT GET YOUR CLOTHES WET OR WE CAN NOT GO OUT TO EAT AFTER YOUR SISTER IS CLEANED UP (in my mean sturn tone I get).
Okay, I won't.
what did I just say?
Don't get my clothes wet or we won't go out to eat.
Okay, let's go out and wait on your silbing to finish up.
While getting instruction from the coach to help my kiddo kick and and stroke better on the breast stroke, the younger one climbs up the fountain steps. yes, steps people. To the point, of being like the rocky movie trumphaint at the top. I look over and holler blankety blankety get down off the fountain. Its not a jungle gym for playing. The look of horror crawls over my face like the two innocent people during the rocky horror picture show. One half of the child's clothes is soaking wet.
Next comes the famous Charlie Brown scream. Maybe, that is why my mum had a nick name for me, Charlie Brown. I did the same as a kid. Go figure.
Then comes my usual lecture. The usual lies to the child's father over the phone on how the said child didn't mean to get the outfit wet yad, yad, yad. My usual you the child is lying to you, right? *sigh from the other side of the phone miles away, yes with another frustrated sigh.
Then my oldest is sulcking (?) in the shower and muttering the mad frustrations of not getting a burger tonight for an after swim team snack. Yad, yad, yad.
Stop, slucking in shower. We don't have time to sulck.
I am not sulcking just mad at the othe said child. Why couldn't I have been the only child like my friend. Uh?
You know your friend, is gonna be a big silbing in a few months.
I know but at least I wouldn't have to put up with this right now.
Enough, hon, okay. Let's get cleaned up and go home straight to bed with everyone. I think we all need an early bedtime.
All the while other parents and grandparents are getting the case of serious chuckles and trying not to laugh over the hilirious Bill cosby moment. Then they decide to ask the said child why the said child got into the fountain.
Here it comes straight from Bill Cosby show (though they are just now getting old enough to watch it). I dunno now. Just to try it.
I must have had Bill Cosby's famouse frustrated look on my face because my oldest busted out laughing. The oldest said,"that's the funniest and most scariest face yet"
The look of bewilderment flashed across my face and only a cleansing breath helped keep me in control at this moment.
We get into the car to go home. The youngests says, "its not my fault that we are not going to a drive thru. Its mommy's fault for being so mean."
I wiped around, so, fast and growled, "It is too your fault for not following the guide rules. Next time don't get in the freakin' fountain and just sit in a chair, Would yeah?